This is for you, Billy Mays, the great American salesman
I think you're the greatest and I'd like to make you an offer. If you want the domain, BillyMays.net, you can have it for $149.99; but if you call within the next five minutes, it can be yours for only 3 easy payments of $24.99! That's right, just three payments of $24.99! But wait, I'm not done yet! If you call now, I'll offer you a second domain, BillyMays.org for free (just pay a small domain transfer fee)! That's right, you get TWO domains for just three payments of $24.99. And I'm not done yet, if you call in the next three minutes, I'll throw in a free Handy Switch, that way you can turn the computer on from anywhere in the room, use it on the wall or your night stand; it's my free gift to you, Billy Mays. If you not 100% satisfied, just transfer the domains back to me, and you can keep the Handy Switch as my gift to you! But wait, I will even offer a Blinged out server with Gem It, available with the purchase of Mighty Mend It (though the BeDazzler will work just as well)! I'm not done yet, if you call in the next thirty seconds, I will even throw in Aquapel to clean that dirty computer monitor, you will never have to worry about a dusty screen ever again. And I'm still not done, operating a big website like this gets you hungry, so to satisfy those cravings, I'll top it all of with The Big City Slider Station. Hurry, this offer cannot last forever, so call now, I'm standing by right now to take your order!!!
EMERGENCY ADDENDUM (01.03.08)
RE: Vince Offer (AKA Mr. ShamWOW)
Billy, you're still number one in my book. I agree with your assessment that Vince Offer (of ShamWow!* fame) is a one hit wonder. But be very careful of this charlatan, he's taking infomercials to new levels. But it's up to you Billy Mays to take the high road, to be the bigger man, to be above the low-brow testicular humor that he engages in. So please, I am begging you, please don't tell me how much we are going to love your nuts. Any way, his crappy SlapChop is just a cheap knock-off of the original Vidalia ChopIt (which is the bigger chopper). Billy, your still The King of the Infomercial Medium, let's keep it that way. Who da Man? You da Man! You da Man! Billy da Man!!!
*ShamWow is just a cheap knock-off of the original, Billy endorsed, ZorbEEZ. Apparently Vince can't find an original product of his own to sell, thereby reducing him to selling cheap Chinese knock-off's (oh, how could I forget, ShamWow is made in Germany) of Billy's originals. Vince, why don't you find something new to sell, why do you insist on stalking Billy? BTW Vince, did that hooker love your nuts??? Man-up, find a new breakthrough product. OxiClean and OrangeGlo, now those were revolutionary products in their day, the same as Mighty Mend It is today.
Though my web server may seem like it's held together with Mighty Putty at times. The server is rack mounted using the incredible Hercules Hooks. I fear not, for not even the The Awesome Auger could punch a hole in my firewall. I usually try to get the kink's out of the server with SteamBuddy, I also spend tremendous effort in keeping the server squeaky clean with OxiClean (now available in pocket size), though a thorough cleansing of servers should always include Kaboom!...so don't try and hack me! But if you do, and no has yet, I've insured my server's through iCan. Needless to say, my server's are properly identified through engraving, thanks to the awesome Engrave-It (it only takes one person walking away with your rx6600 before you realize just how important it is to engrave you enterprise level clustered IA64 servers!)
My Resume (I am no longer in the market, not even for the right money...but really, I'm just putting this here so my resume gets indexed by the Big G)
BillyMaysRules -- Dedicated to the all of the awesomeness that is Billy
BillyMaysFacts -- A site filled with great and little known facts about our favourite pitchman (no offense Sully, take offense Vince!)
BillyMaysHere -- Yet another site dedicated to the greatest pitchman in generations...
This website ©2008-2009 BillyMays.net
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This site is in no way affiliated with Billy Mays nor Mays Promotions, Inc. Seriously, I have no connection to Billy, so please, please, please quit emailing me your new product ideas. I am not Billy, I do not work with him, and you just sending an email to a mostly unmonitored email box, in fact, you will get a sarcastic auto-responder, so just quit sending me or your ideas (ditto for telling Billy to tone it down!)